i feel you! my life used to be filled with a bunch of that i thought brought me happiness, but just left me feeling broken and alone. let's get curious about why you do the things that you do - that you just don't want to do. unwanted behaviors are holding you back from the freedom and joy that you deserve!
this is not a place for blame, judgment or shaming - you probably do enough of that already. around here we use scientific evidence delivered with grace and compassion to pave the way to freedom without using willpower or feeling deprived.
the truth is: you are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you, and none of this is your fault. i strongly believe, if you were in control, and if this was actually your fault, then you would have already found freedom. the fact of the matter is that there are other factors at play, that once uncovered, will release you to live a life of peace and joy that you deserve.